Judul : Jangan Ambil Ringan
link : Jangan Ambil Ringan
Jangan Ambil Ringan
Salam ramadhan mubarak. Tq admin jika approve confession saya. I have something to tell. My name is laila. And i am 26 years old. Saya nak cerita sikit pasal depression dan mental illness. Sebab saya pernah lalui semua ni jadi saya nak kongsi lah sedikit sebanyak nasihat dan pengalaman. I was diagnosed with depression when i was in high school. Crying at night. Feels lonely. Hopeless.
Semua lah you name it termasuklah suicidal thoughts. Dan itu semua sebab saya adalah seorang mangsa buli. Not physically but mentally. Quiet severe. And even worse saya tak tahu nak cerita dekat siapa. Sebab saya selalu dipulaukan dan everybody keeps avoiding me. So i decided to be alone je lah. It hurts. Sangat. Then masalah depression berlarutan sampailah saya masuk uni. Depression is a silent battle with our own mind. Sebab tu tak mudah untuk detect seseorang tu ada depression. Kadang2 orang tu nampak happy and selalu make silly jokes tapi sebenarnya dalam masa sama they are busy keeping others as whole while themselves slowly falling apart.
Now i have fully recovered since i start my first treatment 3 years ago. Thats when i berani pergi jumpa psikologi sebab i do think i need help. Alhamdulillah.
Actually apa yang saya nak sampaikan adalah saya perasan satu attitude yang tipikal among us. Bila someone mengadu dia depress, you guys simply judge dia ni gila and should be avoided. No, jangan sekali sekali buat amik ringan. Awak tak tau apa yang dia lalui. Apa yang dia rasa. Inilah sebab orang yang depress ni jarang nak approach orang lain and nak share problem dia. Sebab takut kena bash. Sebab orang tak faham apa dia rasa. You dont know what it feels like to think that you are not good enough. You dont hear those voices in their head telling them they are disgusting, hopeless, worthless and not good enough for the society. Awak tak rasa bila depression kicks in at 3 am. And that kind of lonely thoughts yang buat orang tu untuk stay up all night. You dont know what they feels to wake up every morning just to feel bad about themselves. And u dont know how bad they tried to feel alive just every morning untuk lalui hari itu sahaja. Sebab mereka rasa too dead inside. You tak tahu setiap malam dia menangis fighting depression, anxiety, ADHD, lonely thoughts and etc, with all their might.
Macam saya pulak, start masuk uni saya suffered depression along with eating disorder or to be more precised, im anorexic. I am slightly chubby but still anorexic sebab apa. Sebab you dont have to be skinny to suffer anorexia or bullimia. Its a mental illness.
And when i tried to tell someone what im struggling with , i takut takda orang faham. Takut orang kata kita pelik or even worse alienated kita. Saya pernah cuba reach for help. I tell a good friend of mine and she reacted badly saying im acting nonsense. She said just be happy. Apa susah sangat. And after that she laughed because she thinks that it was wayyy too mengarut. Since then i tak percaya sesiapa dah to tell my problems. Though im sick of my inner voices tapi i tak boleh share kat orang. Thats my point right now. When somebody tells you about depression or etc, jangan take it too lightly. Sebab nanti jadi macam saya. Saya tak nak share dengan orang sebab takut. We feel that nobody understand us. No one will. No one knows our everyday battle. What kind of war were in. No one knows what we are struggling with. Sebab itu orang yang ada mental illness ni susah nak percaya dekat orang. Susah nak bagitau apa yang dia rasa. Btw, saya selalu jugak self-harm. I would use ruler, pen, or even my own nails yang panjang just to cut myself and i got addicted to it. Yeah i might sound crazy but thats exactly what happens when no one hears you. No one hears your voices. Your tiny voices, your silent weeping. Just no one. Its like me against the whole world. Thats how it feels. Sebab itu saya minta sangat2 jangan lah awak awak semua ambil ringan depression seseorang itu. Dan jangan terus judge dia pling penting sekali. They are fighting by themselves but always got defeated and they choose to surrender and give in.
Laila
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